Skip to content

A road rage letter

July 30, 2009

Dear dumbass drivers whom I encountered today on the interstate:

Sometimes I wish that I could install in my car one of those red-light, scrolling signs that one often sees at sporting events, restaurants, bars, and other places that need to transmit messages to their customers, patrons, or passersby.


You know why I’d want to intall it in my car?

It’s because I’d want to tell you, lady who is riding seven inches behind my car, that you need to BACK.  THE.  F*CK.  OFF.

You see those five cars that are in front of us?  (I know you do because you keep swerving to the left to see what the hell is holding up you and your precious time.)  They’re not going any faster, so I can’t go any faster. 

And you see those three cars to the right of us?  They are right next to us, thus making it impossible for me to pull off to the side so that you can go and ride dangerously close to the driver in front of me.

So why don’t you use that grey matter that’s sitting idle in your skull right now and back off!

Oh, and you, truck driver who is weaving in and out of the middle lane, I want you to get some sleep or stop texting your girlfriend or cut back on the meth or do whatever the hell will keep you from running me off the road.  Right now, you don’t even belong behind the wheel of a tricycle let alone a semi.

And youYou, lady who is driving in the right lane and chatting mindlessly on her cell phone while ten cars are trying to merge onto the highway.

Did you realize that the lane to your left is completely free and open?  Did you know that it’s common freakin’ courtesy to get over in the left lane, if possible, when other cars are trying to merge onto the road?  Did you know that what you are doing now is not only impolite but also unsafe?

But no, you probably didn’t.  Because you are the sort of person who has no qualms about being engrossed in a cell phone conversation while driving on the interstate!

Oh, and to all of you: Did you happen to notice the children riding in the backseat of my car?!  I would die for them, but I would probably also kill for them.  And right now, your reckless driving is filling me with murderous rage!!!

In the interest of my and my children’s health and safety, and in the interest of your own safety lest I get my hands on you, I encourage you to keep your car and your awful driving away from me in the future.



4 Comments leave one →
  1. renbeth permalink
    August 1, 2009 4:50 pm

    I love you in murderous rage mode, Kristen :). I mean, I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of it. But from the sidelines, I love it.

  2. BirthingBeautifulIdeas permalink*
    August 1, 2009 5:09 pm

    Thanks, Ren. As you might be able to tell, I was still seething when I sat down to write this post, and it had already been a few hours since I had gotten out of the car. But I was still in murderous rage mode. Oh yes, I was.

    Have I ever told you that bad drivers *really* piss me off? 🙂

  3. Jenny permalink
    August 4, 2009 4:17 pm

    ALong with your request for the message light I think we should all have those air bumper things – like when you go bumper bowling – for your car – so when someone is pissing you off while driving you can give them a gentle “nudge” to let them know the suck! (I used to drive from Cincy to Dayton everyday for work so I TRULY understand road rage).

  4. BirthingBeautifulIdeas permalink*
    August 4, 2009 6:21 pm

    Love the idea for bumper cars! If only…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: