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The family diet

May 7, 2009

Over the past week at my parents’ house (where I will be staying until Tim and I find a house of our own), I’ve noticed that my clothes have begun to fit a bit more snugly.  I could blame this phenomenon on my parents’ superior dryer (how DARE that consistent heat make my jeans tight?!), or I could blame it on the mind-numbing effects of listening to the playroom keyboard spew out the “bossanova beat” for an hour straight (M’s annoying soundtrack of choice for his playtime this morning).

But no.  The jeans are much tighter than usual, and my mind is not that numb–even if the bossanova has done irreparable damage to it.  No, I have put on some weight in mere days.  Days.  And I blame it squarely on the Family Diet.

This is no generic diet, nor am I referring to the term ‘family’ in general.  I am referring solely and specifically to my family.  Here’s an example of how the diet works:

7 a.m. – Snarf down a string cheese while juggling breakfast for A and M.  (I’m still used to eating breakfast like a scavenger who doesn’t know when her next meal is coming.  It’s something that developed after A was born.)

8 a.m. – Mom makes waffles for everyone.  Oh joy!  I’ll have two!  With syrup!  And blackberries!  And a cup of coffee!

9 a.m. – Still drinking (cold) coffee.  Mom brings out raspberry walnut scones from the freezer.  Because my coffee can’t be lonely.

9:30 a.m. – Aww, Mom and Dad have a big jar of jelly bellies in on the counter.  If I eat the fruity ones (mmm, plum-flavored jelly beans), it won’t seem so gross that I’m eating candy before noon.

10 a.m. – We’re making a one-hour trip to visit my sister and her family (YAY!), but I better eat an oatmeal bar before we leave because I don’t know when my next meal is coming.  (Can’t seem to shake that scavenger lifestyle.)

10:15 a.m. – Grandpa sneaks a couple of ginger snaps into my purse “for the road.”  And by “the road,” I’m sure he means the walk from the house to the car.

12 p.m. – Out to eat with the family.  Chili nachos!  The cheese off of my brother-in-law’s chili! (I kid you not.)  A slice of my dad’s cheeseburger pizza! (I double kid you not.)  Parmesan-crusted chicken, white cheddar mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli! (Yes, the broccoli is totally cancelled out by the competing grease-fest.)  FIVE LARGE BITES OF A WHITE-CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA NUT COOKIE-PIZZA TOPPED WITH VANILLA ICE CREAM! (I now look as if I’m four months pregnant.)

2 p.m.Grande latte.  Because the Starbucks is there, and I have an addiction.

6 p.m. – Yes, it makes perfect sense to order dinner from the Cheesecake Factory.  But at least Tim and I have the “sense” to split our meal: avocado eggrolls and a Luau chicken salad.

9 p.m. – Grandma brings a baked potato topped with broccoli and cheese to me.  I just can’t say “no” to her.  It would hurt her feelings.

10:30 p.m. – Mmm, those caramel corn jelly bellies are so good.  Especially if you mix them with the vanilla bean ones.  Ooh, and do I see some chocolate covered pretzels over yonder?


No, I do not eat like this at “home.”  But it is so easy to eat this way with my family–especially in a house with my mother and my grandmother, both of whom are formidable cooks.  And I am powerless to resist their poison.

In fact, here comes Grandma now with a buttery, delicious grilled cheese on rye for me to enjoy!

Addendum: Grandpa brought up some chocolate Riesens just as I posted this blog entry.  I think that a button just popped off of my pants.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Gretchen permalink
    May 7, 2009 8:33 pm

    Yummy! At least you have an excuse. Tonight I wanted a snack, so I made popcorn merely so I would have something to eat with melted butter. . . sad.

  2. renbeth permalink
    May 8, 2009 7:18 am

    I know I would gain ten pounds in a month of living with your mom!

  3. BirthingBeautifulIdeas permalink*
    May 8, 2009 1:09 pm

    Gretchen, at least it was *real* melted butter and not the fake, probably cancer-causing stuff at the movie theater. That’s what I like on my popcorn. 🙂

    And renbeth–it’s even worse since my grandmother also lives here!!! (But worse in a good way, of course…)

  4. jenny permalink
    May 8, 2009 7:11 pm

    I think you guys need another house guest – I’ll be down in 10 minutes (just have to put on some pants with an elastic band so i can eat even more). 🙂

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